To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield

To be honest, this course is truly a painful experience for me, but my reason might be a little different. At first, I thought this is a CS course, focusing on web development, from front-end (HTML, CSS, JavaScript) to back-end (Python), and some data mining techniques can also be touched on. During the first half of the course, everything was quite comfortable for me. I can dig into the codes and try to grasp the mechanism or principle of them. I’m always obsessed with truth, essence, or knowledge. Maybe this is more like research.

And here comes the second half of the course. I started to be overwhelmed with prototype, usability test, or user research, which can be summarized as design. I am so unfamiliar with all of these. Reflecting on my past experience, I have discussed with some friends about the difference between art and design. Art is more about the expression of the artists, and design is caring more about the users. Of course, this is a spectrum, with artist (or creators) and users on the opposite sides. Some sort of balance can be achieved between these two. I appreciate fine art, which is completely artist-oriented, but I also don’t want to be selfish and should consider others.

However, I do think the shift from the first half to the second half of the semester is really painful for me. Lately, I’ve been surrounded by these concepts like usability test, A/B test, monetization so that my attention is completely caught by the user side. Whatever move I make, I should be considerate towards them. It just feels like I’m not myself at all. Somehow, I fear communicating with my friends about the project.

As said before, art and design can achieve a balance. I can certainly design something that is also typical of myself and left with my personal style. So, what exactly went wrong? I think it is because I don’t have enough knowledge yet. For example, very often I haven’t understood certain concepts, skills, or tools, like flask, bootstrap, or even three.js. I want to dig into the principles, even deeper like the mathematical foundations, but it takes so much time. On the other hand, some templates can be used directly, but they are just like black boxes, which are so unbearable for me. This is the first conflict. And then, there are also some troubles about the users, which means I should also spare some time tending those so-called customers. This is the second conflict.

So, what can be done? Get good, I suppose. Spend more time learning the basic knowledge, and then try to reach a balance between me and others. In short, there is so much to learn.

But it is also worth noting that, sometimes I definitely don’t have much to time to learn about all of them. I should try to flexible, frankly speaking. I’m just so stubborn, which is a serious drawback. And when I’m caught in a conflict, I might get mad and lose all my might.

Time to get back towards the course. I’ve learnt quite a lot programming skills (though I’ve learnt some of them) and design thinking (painful for me). More importantly, I should grasp more knowledge and reflect more on myself.